shrumpsed

Beaten in games; Devonshire.
- James Halliwell's Dictionary of Archaic and Provincial Words, 1855

The Cleveland Indians are getting shrumpsed BIG TIME!! [Note: depending on season, simply substitute "Browns" or "Cavs" for "Indians".]

ornature

Decoration.
- Rev. John Boag's Imperial Lexicon, 1850

Memorial Day was observed for about a century as Decoration Day before it was made an official federal holiday in 1966. It began as a quiet remembrance by decorating the graves of those killed during the Civil War.

penny-readings

Entertainments consisting of readings, with music, etc., the price of admission being a penny. They commenced in 1859, and were formerly common, but are now less heard of.
- Edward Lloyd's Encyclopaedic Dictionary, 1895

won't hold water

This phrase, describing a flawed argument, originates in Roman mythology. Tutia was one of the Vestal Virgins, the women who tended the fire in the Temple of Vesta in Rome. They were required to remain virgins while holding office. Tutia was accused of losing this distinction and was told by Pontifex Maximus to prove her innocence.

The method of proof was for Tutia to carry a sieve full of water from the Tiber River to the Temple of Vesta. If the sieve held the water, she was innocent. If it did not, she was guilty and would be buried alive. Tutia passed the test. Eventually, the phrase won't hold water came in to being to describe anything that can't pass the test for integrity and soundness.

drosometer

An instrument for ascertaining the quantity of dew collected on the surface of a body during the night; [from] Greek drosos, dew, and metron, measurement.
- Rev. John Boag's Imperial Lexicon, c. 1850

During the month of May, from the time of the druids to about the 1930s, women used to collect the dew from Arthur's Seat, an extinct volcano near Edinburgh. They used sponges, scraping tools, and various containers to collect the early morning dew from the plants and grasses. The dew was considered to have special ingredients for preserving the skin and whitening clothing.

bookwright

A writer of books; an author; a term of slight contempt.
- Daniel Lyons's Dictionary of the English Language, 1897

cunctatious

Addicted to delaying; prone to delay....Adapted from Latin cunctationem, the noun of action from cunctari, to delay.
- Sir James Murray's New English Dictionary, 1893

hit the maples

To bowl.
- Maurice Weseen's A Dictionary of American Slang, 1934

stram

Any sudden, loud and quick sound; so to stram the doors means to shut them with noise and violence. Hence, a bold and unexpected lie that greatly surprises the hearer is called a strammer, and hence also to strammer means to tell great and notorious lies.
- Frederick Elworthy's Specimens of English Dialects: Devonshire Glossary, 1879

run emptins

To show signs of not holding out well, as for instance in a speech. Probably from the analogy of a beer-barrel. Western Connecticut.
- E.H. Babbitt's The Dialect of Western Connecticut, 1893

gone to the dogs

A person who has wasted his life, or money that is spent foolishly has gone to the dogs. This phrase originated in ancient China when dogs were not allowed within the city walls. The dumping of refuse was also prohibited within the city walls. Refuse was dumped outside the walls where stray dogs roamed and would pick through the piles looking for food. The trash had gone to the dogs.

When the practice of banishing criminals beyond the city walls began, they were said to have gone to the dogs. And often, their fate was the same as the trash: attacked and eaten by hungry dogs.

kickseys

Breeches; speaking of a purse, &c. taken from the breeches pocket, they say, "it was got from the kickseys," there being no cant term for the breeches pocket. To turn out a man's kickseys means to pick the pockets of them, in which operation it is necessary to turn those pockets inside out in order to get at the contents.
- James Hardy Vaux's Vocabulary of the Flash Language, 1812

digamist

One that marries after his first wife's death.
- Thomas Blount's Glossographia, 1656

That just sounds bad, doesn't it?

tillyvally

This word is unknown in origin. It was used as an expression of contempt or to reject something as trifling or impertinent.

"Tillyfally, Sir John. Never tell me your ancient swagger come not in my door."
- Shakespeare's Twelfth Night

Some might say fiddle-faddle.

amethodist

A physician who does not proceed on methodical principles, but acts empirically; a quack.
- Edward Lloyd's Encyclopaedic Dictionary, 1895

pilgarlic

A bald head. Comes from pilled garlic, I guess because the bald head looks like a peeled garlic.

trigamy

The act or state of having three wives or three husbands at the same time.
- Robert Hunter's Encyclopaedic Dictionary, 1894

In the ancient Church, trigamy was only allowed to such as had no children by their former marriages.
- Ephraim Chambers's Cyclopaedia of Arts and Sciences, 1728

Boy. For the Church, it really is all about procreation, isn't it?

bum fodder

Soft paper for the necessary house or torchecul.
- Francis Grose's The Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, 1811

It's toilet paper!

villain regardant

In law, a villain regardant is one annexed to the manor or land.
- Rev. John Boag's Imperial Lexicon, c. 1850

The meaning of the word villain has changed over the centuries. First, it was the serf or peasant, coming from the Latin word villanus, because attached to the villa or farm. The meaning changed as it was taken for granted by the higher classes of society that the peasant was vulgar, dishonest, selfish, and generally having low moral standards. The word as we know it today describes a deliberate criminal or scoundrel and an uncouth person, leaving no remnant of the original meaning and nothing at all about a villa.

cow's thumb

Done to a cow's thumb; done exactly.
- Capt. Francis Grose's A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, 1796

I tried to find the origin of this phrase, but couldn't find anything. I did find another web site that had a different definition for done to a cow's thumb: fatigued to the point of illness or fainting. That's from the writing of Georgette Heyer from the early 1900s.

maiden rents

A noble [tax] by every tenant in the manor of Builth, in Radnor [Wales] at their marriage. It was anciently given to the lord for his omitting the custom of Marcheta, whereby some think he was to have the first night's lodging with his tenant's wife.
- Thomas Blount's Law Dictionary and Glossary, 1717

It was common in Scotland and parts of northern England for the lord to "lay with" his tenant's bride on the first night. This practice was abolished by Malcolme III at the insistence of the queen. [Go Queenie!] Instead, a payment was made to the lord by the bridegroom.

topology

The art or method of assisting the memory by associating the objects to be remembered with some place, the parts of which are well-known.
- Robert Hunter's Encyclopaedic Dictionary, 1894

Amazing feat of memory! In Chicago on this day in 1858, Louis Paulson engaged in a interesting concentration challenge. He played 10 simultaneous games of chess with respected players while blindfolded. Over 920 moves were made, but certainly thousands were considered during the course of the games. Paulson had become known for being able to play chess without pieces or a board. [Not sure how that happens, but I guess entertainment was very different in the 1800s.] Paulson made no mistakes during the challenge and even corrected the mistakes of some of his opponents.

Paulson won 9 of the 10 games. The tenth ended in stalemate.

jargoneer

Good one!

A person who coins words in some field; a person who delights in using the particular language of some occupation or sport.
- Maurice Weseen's A Dictionary of American Slang, 1934

soda-squirt

One who works at a soda fountain. New Mexico.
- Elsie Warnock's Dialect Speech in California and New Mexico, 1919

Well, I guess that's better than being called a soda-jerk.

On this day in 1886, John S. Pemberton, Atlanta pharmicist, started selling his backyard-brass kettle-brewed headache and hangover remedy. It contained dried South American coca leaves, which was a common medicine ingredient of the day, African kola-nut extract, and fruit syrup. He marketed it as a "Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage." At the suggestion of his accountant, John S. called it Coca-Cola. The story goes that a lazy soda-squirt didn't want to walk all the way to the other end of the counter to add tap water to the syrup as directed, and instead added carbonated water from the nearest spigot. The soda beverage was born.

First year sales were not great. $50 was taken in and $73.96 was spent in advertising. In 1887, Pemberton sold 2/3 of his ownership of Coca-Cola for $1,200.

That's got to go down in history as one of the worst deals ever!

to be knocked into a cocked hat

This means to be routed completely in a physical or verbal contest.

The expression comes from the practice of military officers to carry their soft hats under the arm, thus flattening it out. The hats became triangular shaped when flattened. So, when someone was crushed in a contest, they were flattened as completely as an officer's cocked hat.

Red Leary

On May 7, 1879, John "Red" Leary was a New York City gang leader who broke out of jail with the help of his wife. Red specialized in liquor and prostitution, but at the time was being held for an 1876 bank robbery. His wife rented a 5th floor room in a tenement adjoining the Ludlow Street Jail where Red was being held awaiting extradition. The wife calculated the location of the escape tunnel and directed 2 gang members with a hydraulic "jimmy". They tunneled through 5 feet of masonry, removing a ton of bricks. When they broke through the last layer of wall, Red was perched on a 3rd floor toilet waiting for them.

So celebrated did the exploit become, that it passed into baseball slang. A coach who wanted to instruct a player to break loose and steal a base simply yelled, "Red Leary!"
- B.A. Botkin's New York City Folklore: Legends, Sagas, Heroes, and Characters, 1956

matronize

To attend a lady to public places as a protector.
- Daniel Lyon's Dictionary of the English Language, 1897

Back in the 1800s, apparently it was rather indecent to say the word leg in front of a woman. The word limb was used instead.

I'm so glad we aren't in the 1800s anymore...well, most of us anyway.

gynotikolobomassophile

This is a person who likes to nibble on a woman's earlobes.

Seriously.

spelk

A splinter; [adapted from] Saxon spelc.
- Rev. John Boag's Imperial Lexicon, c. 1850

I've got tons of spelks in my fingers from working in the yard.

eye-bite

To bewitch by a certain evil influence of the eye.
- Nathaniel Bailey's Etymological English Dictionary, 1749

The evil eye!

knuller

Old term for a chimney-sweep, who solicited jobs by ringing a bell. From Saxon cnyllan, to knell, or sound a bell.
- John Camden Hotten's Slang Dictionary, 1887

Happy May Day! In the late 1700s, the first of May was a general holiday for milk-women and chimney sweeps. Hurray!